My Life in Word Pictures

I'm about to dump a bucket full of word pictures on you—some of them cheesier than others. But I'm really into them right now when I talk about my faith and where I'm at. It's become my thing.

Word Picture #1

Here I stand before three doors of opportunity that popped up out of nowhere in the last two months. And not those dinky little screen doors or sliding glass doors that always fall off the hinges either.

They're the ornate, sturdy, mammoth-sized doors you find on ancient castles or what-the-crap-do-these-people-do kind of mansions. The kind of doors that are the gateways to mysterious, exciting, beautiful things.

But I can't pick one and walk through it yet. You see, I haven't received my marching orders. I've become that girl. I literally can't take one step in front of me without Jesus saying, "OK. Go." He owns me.

So imagine me sitting on those front steps, just waiting for Him to come along and tell me which one to walk through. 

That's where I'm at.

Bottom Line: There are some potentially new, exciting things coming up. More details later.

Word Picture #2

I'm a writer by profession. It's not just something I get paid to do. I LOVE doing it. It's my life's calling. So holding tight to my proverbial pen is like breathing for me. 

When I lose or misplace it (aka writer's block, creative shutdowns, or the sort), I freak.

This spring, I had a come-to-Jesus moment. Literally. I went to Him to work out some kinks in our relationship (ahem...on my end, obviously).

His reply?

"Hand it over, kid. I want the pen. Stop trying to write your own story. You've done a bang-up job this far, so it's mine to write from now on."

I'd already willingly let Him write every other part of my story except a big chapter I'd been holding tiiiight to. But at the time I approached Him, I was tired—nay EXHAUSTED—of fighting Him and me about it, so I easily waved the white flag and surrendered all.

And you know what? (Sigh.) It was liberating. Freeing. There was so much joy and peace that came with it. (Sigh.)

Now, that doesn't mean I don't try and steal it back from time to time when I forget our arrangement and lose my religion. Hello?! It's me we're talking about here. But I'm learning.

That's where I'm at.

Bottom Line: He's writing my story. It's getting interesting. And I'm way OK with it.

Word Picture #3

A few years ago, one of my best friends told me, "If you live with open hands before Jesus, and let Him give and take away as He pleases, you'll honor Him and He'll bless you."

For that reason, I've been trying to live as open-handed as possible. (I'm a slow learner. This is just now starting to kick in.)

Secular, worldly, selfish Kaylan thinks living this way is for the birds. Because it's HARD, y'all. 

(No, Kaylan. Hard is being a member of the Christian church in Pakistan that was recently bombed. It's seeing your loved ones die right before your eyes. That's hard. Get over yourself, wimp.)

And if I'm being honest, I try out different hand combos all the time to see if I can get away with not living completely vulnerable and exposed and surrendered to Him.

1) One hand open. One hand closed.

2) Thumbs hooked. But palms exposed.

3) Open hands. But ready to strike and clench at a moment's notice.

It's ridiculous. 

But head-over-heels-for-Jesus Kaylan knows it's what's best for me—all day, every day. And He wants it. And I want what He wants. So there you have it. 

That's where I'm at.

Bottom Line: I'm not holding on to anything—including the doors. I'm all palms up, fingers extended, and waiting for what's next.

Word Picture #4

You've heard people say, "When it rains, it pours." But for me, when it rains, it seems to monsoon.

Storms aren't necessarily a bad thing. I actually think they're pretty rad (from a safe distance indoors, while sitting on a comfy chair, with a cup of coffee and a book in hand). 

But, for real. Have you ever stood out in a storm and just let nature have its way with you? Clothes soaked. Mascara dripping off your chin. Hair matted and hanging like a soggy rag.

It's a little crazy and liberating.

So here I am, standing before my three doors in the pouring rain, waiting for instructions from the Rainmaker so I can move on to the next thing.

The question is this: while I wait, will I ditch my umbrella and dance—hands up, palms open, face toward heaven, trusting Him?

I sure as heck will. Bring it. 

That's where I'm at.

Bottom Line: Waiting for an answer sucks. But I'm learning to enjoy the waiting because He's working all things out for my good and His glory.

A Can of Worms: Part 2 of ??

Wait! Have you read "A Can of Worms: Part 1"? Click here to read it.

The parts hereafter may seem random and scattered, but that’s because I’m handling them with care. If I were to throw all this at you at once, your head (and mine) might explode.

For the next two posts, I’ve brought in a couple of reinforcements. These are some of the girls Jesus has placed in my inner circle, those who hold me accountable and walk with me through life. And they're some of the godliest, wisest women I know, so I trust them.

Last week, over pizza, ice cream, rocking chairs, a front porch, a perfect Tennessee evening, and three hours of intense discussion and laughter, we fleshed out a LOT of stuff.

So here we go. Popping the top of the can. Digging, digging, digging. Ahhh…there she is. Got her. Worm #2. She's a big one.

                              
The List
                              
If I could go back and talk about singleness, men, dating, and my behavior regarding the whole kit and caboodle, this is exactly what I’d tell my 21-year-old self. Some of it I learned the hard way. The rest I learned by watching others go through it.

Let it be known, I still mess up and have to check myself. But now I know. I can take it to the bank. And I hope it educates, informs, and encourages other single Christian women too. (P.S. It's lengthy, but stay with me.)

Dear 21-Year-Old Kaylan...

1. Do not initiate a call or text to a single man of interest unless you’re in a confirmed relationship with said man. Let him contact you. Put your phone away. If you can’t handle it, turn it off. If that doesn’t work, throw it in the toilet.
2. Guys do exactly what the heck they want to do—always. If he’s into you, he’ll jump through hoops of fire, lie in a bed of ants, or walk on hot coals to be by your side. If he’s not interested, he’ll do what he’s always done—nothing.
3. For the love of all that’s good and holy, please quit showing your goods to every man in sight. Being beautiful isn’t letting all your junk hang out. I see you trying to sneak it out little by little and play it off like you don't know. Cover it up, sister. Now.
4. On that note, be mysterious—physically. What’s left for his imagination is way better than flaunting what you’ve got. Make him wonder what you’re working with underneath it all before he puts a ring on it. P.S. Be modest, not matronly.
5. Be mysterious—emotionally. Don’t air all your dirty laundry—in person or on social media. That means secrets, pasts, weight issues, feelings, ex-boyfriend debacles, flaws, etc. Men don’t find that attractive. There's a time and place to go there.
6. Verification of #4 and #5 – A Christian dude recently said to me, “Single Christian girls like to take their packets of beans and spill them everywhere. But men like an element of mystery to a woman.” You heard it here first: Don’t spill your beans.
7. He doesn’t need 24/7 access to you. Please stop panting by the phone, anticipating the exact moment he'll call, or crying when he doesn't talk you at least 27 times in one day. Go out and live your life. If it's meant to be, it'll all work out.
8. Let him lead.
9. Don’t offer to pay on a date—never, ever, ever, ever. I’m not saying he needs to spend $8,437 at Ruth’s Chris every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I’m just saying let him spoil you a little. You’re worth it.
10. If you’ve only been on two dates with a man, don’t start naming your future children or cross-stitching his last name on throw pillows. If it’s two dates, it’s only two dates. Just be there. When the time comes to get serious and move to the next level, he’ll let you know.
11. One of my best friends, Meredith (part of the inner circle), has said no less than 52 times during our friendship: “Dating a man isn’t about whether or not he’s into you; it’s about whether or not he’s worthy to lead and love you into the future.” Amen.
12. If he has a reputation of being a Back-Door Dater, run, run, run as fast as you can. Don't know what that is? He's the guy who shows interest behind closed doors but won't acknowledge you in public. He's strings you along for months, never states his intentions, won’t call it what it is.
13. Let him lead.
14. “Don’t throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6). I know the scriptural context of this is off, but just ride this wave with me. Don’t give your companionship, encouragement, time, counsel, etc. away to a man who has no intentions with you.
15. Don’t you dare give out the milk for free. Make him buy the cow first. (Excuse the crude reference.) In other words, keep your milkshake out of the yard, away from the boys, and locked up in the house until you’ve said your vows.
16. Find a close-knit set of girlfriends and attach yourselves to one another at the hip. I’m talking about the deep wells who will force you to lean into Jesus, do life with you, and call you out on your crap when necessary.
17. For goodness sake, act like a lady. You’re a daughter of a King. A princess has dignity, class, honor, standards. Own it. Ask yourself, “WWKMD?” That stands for “What would Kate Middleton do?” Oh, you think that’s funny? I’m dead serious. Just look at her. She’s classy.
18. Let him lead.
19. You may think God told you exactly whom you’re going to marry, but are you sure? If so, He’ll also tell the guy. If the other party isn’t on board, don’t be heartbroken when he marries someone else.
20. Part 2 of #19 – If, by some miracle, God has sent a heavenly messenger to deliver and confirm to you these glad tidings, please, for the love of Pete (or whatever his name is), keep it to yourself. If it’s real, it’ll all come to light in due time.
21. No matter what you’ve done in the past or how bad you’ve messed up, it’s never too late to receive forgiveness, experience grace, and start over. Our God is a God of second chances, do-overs, and new beginnings. That’s the beauty of the gospel.
22. Just say “NO” to missionary dating. It’s too risky. You can’t wish, force, or coerce a man into becoming the godly guy you want and deserve. You can pray, but that’s it. Besides, it’s not your job to change his heart. That task belongs to Jesus.
23. Speaking of that, don’t waste your time on a man who doesn’t love AND follow Jesus. It’s both/and. He must talk the talk and walk the walk. Put his gorgeous eyes, 5 o’clock shadow, and killer smile on the back burner. First things first, you'd better nail this down.
24. Let him LEAD.
25. If he doesn’t do it now, he probably won’t do it after you’re married—as in, go to church, stay faithful, study the Bible, be truthful, manage money well, have a teachable spirit, love God more than you, etc.
26. Story time! A new guy walks into church and immediately becomes a tasty little snack for the pack of hungry she-wolves waiting to attack him. He freaks out, runs away, and never returns. I see it happen all the time. Chasing boys is what happened on the playground when you were in first grade. That should not be happening now.
27. Get out in the real world. I’m not suggesting you go hook up with a guy in a bar. But I am asking you to ease up on the church functions and go hang out at a local coffee shop, join a gym, play on a sports league, volunteer somewhere, etc.
28. Be feminine. Guys like it. I’ve confirmed it. It’s a real thing. If you always try to be one of the guys, you’ll never be the girlfriend.
29. Let HIM lead.
30. Deactivate your membership to the Hot Guys Only Dating Club. You often pass up the truly godly men who’d make good husbands and fathers just because they're average looking on the Hot-or-Not Scale. Most of the world is just average—including you. The heart is what matters the most (see 1 Samuel 16:1-13).
31. Let’s say an "average" Christian man asks you out. Don't be afraid to say “YES”—even if there's only a fraction of the tiniest spark between you. Tiny sparks can turn into big flames, you know. Give him a chance. You might be surprised how attractive you find his humor, personality, strength, character, etc.
32. Do I even have to tell you to not be the desperate girl? OK. I won’t. Just don’t.
33. “Don’t accept dysfunctional because you’re desperate for anything.” That'll preach. All credit for that little golden nugget goes to the wisdom of Emily (also in the inner circle). Remember old what's his name that you wasted all that time on? Good grief. Learn your lesson for once in your life.
34. So help me, I will pull this car over... LET. HIM. LEAD. I mean what I say and I say what I mean.

                              
Trust & Obey
                              
For me, nearly all of this boils down to faith. And the rest is sheer common sense.

Do I believe God will give me bread instead of a stone? Or a fish instead of a snake? (Matthew 7:9-11)

Do I believe and trust Him with my future? (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Do I believe His ways are higher than my ways? (Isaiah 55:8)

Do I believe He's working all things together for my good and His glory? (Romans 8:28)

Do I believe He protects my life, even when I'd rather do it my way? (Psalm 3:3)

Do I believe He hears my prayers when I talk to Him? (1 John 5:14)

If I do—and I do—then I can rest in that. I can finally give Him the pen and let Him write my story. Because goodness knows His stories are way better than anything I put together.

I don't have to do anything or be anything more. I don't have to plot a covert operation for getting what I want. I don't have to overanalyze the heck out of relationships. I don't have to be "in the right place at the right time."

All I have to do is trust and obey, never take my eyes off Jesus, and play my part.

                              
Bonus!
                              
“Deep in his heart, every man longs for…
…a battle to fight
…an adventure to live
…and a beauty to rescue.”
—Wild At Heart, John Eldredge

Those Eldredges, man, they’re on to something. Girls, take notes. 

A Can of Worms: Part 1 of ?

I'm TERRIFIED to write this blog. My stomach is in knots. You don't know how many times I've read and re-read this post before hitting "Publish." 

I don't know what the results will be. I may get bouquets of flowers or four slashed tires. I know I'm going to tick at least a handful of people off.

Either way, I'm doing it. I'm going in. I'm slowly opening the very edge of the can to pull out this one tiny worm so all of them don't escape—not just yet anyway.

Note: These are mostly my opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, feel free to never visit my blog again. My feelings won't be hurt. Promise.

                         

Where I'm Coming From
                         
I've been single since 2001-ish. How long is that? Nearly a lifetime? It feels like it anyway.

A big part of the reason is because of the tragic way the long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend ended when I was a sophomore in college. I was left heartbroken, wounded, and bleeding. 

One night, in my dorm room at Ouachita Baptist University, I remember lying on my blue-and-white-checkered comforter, staring at the ceiling. Drowning in a barrel full of pain, I made an unbreakable deal with God. 

Through my tears, my conversation with Him went something like this: "I don't ever want to go through this kind of heartbreak again, so protect me and don't bring anyone else into my life until its my husband, the man You've chosen for me."

Be careful what you pray for. You'll probably get it. I sure did.

That night, I also raised the standard for the kind of man I want to join hearts with one day. There have been small blips on my dating radar over the past 12 years. But I really do believe the Lord has protected my life. And I'm truly grateful for it.

                         

What Online Dating Taught Me
                         
I've always wanted to meet my guy organically—not through a forced interaction, not because some computer program said this guy or that guy is the best match for me, and certainly not because I paid a monthly fee for him to go on a date with me.

I've wanted to meet through friends or at church or at a group event or, heck, even in line at the grocery store. But my real-life options have seemed limited over the years.

About seven years ago, I got impatient and tried my hand at online dating. It didn't feel right then and it doesn't feel right now. But that doesn't mean I didn't just end round four with e-Harmony in March of this year.

Let's just say (because of the obvious fact that I'm still single) it didn't work out any of those times. I met a couple of good guys and a couple of freakshows, so I think, all in all, I got my money's worth. 

But I will never do it again. At all. Ever. (Someone please punch me if I even consider it in the future.)

Hear me out—I don't think online dating is altogether wrong. I know many people who have met their significant others online—and their relationships/marriages are great. But it's just not for me. It was more frustrating than it was fulfilling.

But here's one good thing that's come of it: the whole darned experience has fueled me to research and dig deep into the issues of singleness, men, women, relationships, what I think about these things, what our culture says, and what God says.

So here goes nothing (or everything).

                         

A Little of This, A Little of That
                         
I get asked a lot, "How is it that YOU'RE still single? Why is no one dating you?"

It's incredibly flattering (I think?), but I don't have a freaking clue, people. I really don't. I ask myself the same questions all the time.

I think I'm a pretty great catch (or at least my daddy says so, and he's not the lying type)...

• I love Jesus passionately and follow Him faithfully.
• I'm not completely unfortunate-looking (Legally Blonde reference, anyone?).
• I've got a few jokes in my back pocket (I think they're laughing with me and not at me).
• I'm smart enough to have made it through a masters degree program (but that's my limit).
• I've got my crap together (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and all the other -allys).
• I practice a good hygiene and beauty regimen (including, but not limited to, a flawless makeup technique and the timeless Texas tease).
• I'm fashionable (and by fashionable, I mean I'm a world-class Maxxinista).
• I'm a real ball of fun (I'd just have to show you what I mean in person).
• I have a good job (I may not make six figures, but I really like what I do!).
• Etc. Etc. Etc.

I know a lot of other incredible single women whose lists are WAY longer than mine. And they're doing their darnedest to wait patiently on the right guys too.

But let's face reality: we can't do a whole lot about our relational statuses except pray and hope and wish and wait.

I mean, we can do a little bit—flirt, banter, bat our eyelashes, giggle sweetly, drop hints, laugh at their corny jokes, make ourselves visible. But ultimately, we have to wait on the men to act.

So what do we do in the meantime? Rather, what do I do in the meantime? Ask God to kick the right guy in the pants so he WILL finally get it together and act? 

I'm still trying to figure this one out.

                         

Embarrassed by Singleness
                         
That brings me to this. I've realized that many of the women I know, including myself, feel embarrassed by singleness and the desire for marriage. We definitely don't talk about it, much less admit it. 

So we put on multi-purpose masks layered with confidence, strength, forced contentedness, hard work, independence, and other similar things.

Every time that little nagging desire for a husband bubbles up in our hearts, we shove it back down, shush it, and give it the evil eye. 

Then we puff up, throw our shoulders back, and walk a little taller in our 4-inch designer heels to let the world know we're unaffected by it. 

And to show we really mean it, some of us find the nearest man, bite his head off, chew it up, and spit it out in front of the other males in close proximity so they'll know what's up.

But it's time to stop sweeping this issue under the rug and pretending its not there. It's time to air it out and admit that singleness is a burden for some of us. 

Yes, please, let's look at the positive side of things and recognize all we can do for Jesus and others during this time. Let's celebrate the freedoms we have to go and do as we please. 

But let's also feel free to confess there are days it sucks the life right out of us, days when we'd give up our left lung for something more, days when we'd love nothing more than to shove loneliness off a cliff and tell him to kiss it. 

(See what I did there? Loneliness has officially become a "he.")

                         

What the Bible Says
                         
Let's go back to Genesis 2:18, shall we?

Then the Lord God said, "It's not good for the man to be alone. I'll make a helper who's just right for him."

So you mean to tell me that the Creator and His Creation were walking together in the Garden, in a perfect harmonious relationship, with no need for anything or anyone else, and God said, "This still isn't enough for you"?

That's right. He said it. 

Then He made HER. And guess what? The very essence of HER was to be relational. 

It was to love and help out her man. It was to give him babies. It was to walk in covenant relationship with him (and especially Him) all the days of her life.

Sisters, you saw it here. There's no shame in wanting to play this role in life because that's the way we were created.

                         

Embrace It
                         
Today, women don't want to seem too desperate. But to desire marriage and family is natural—and it's biblical! 

When that doesn't happen, when we don't get to live out who God created us to be, it's confusing and can cause loneliness. And then we wonder if we're crazy for feeling that way. (NOTE: You're NOT crazy! It's normal.)

So single Christian women try to cope—and for some, "cope" unfortunately means "medicate"—the best way we know how in this stage of life. That can take on all different shapes and sizes.

Some married Christian women in the church (not all, mind you, just some) continue to give us lame advice for dealing with this state of being by saying, "Jesus should be enough for you. He's all you need."

Yes, Specific Women in the Body of Christ (You Know Who You Are), we love Jesus. Yes, we follow Him. Yes, Jesus is all we need. But He also said it's not good for us to be alone (see Genesis 2:18 again). He gets it. You need to get it too.

Encourage us toward marriage. Pray for us toward that end. Many of your married Christian sisters are already doing that for us now. We need that from you as well.

                         

Where to Go From Here

                         
Ladies, maybe it's time we start embracing this God-given calling. Maybe it's time we start believing we were created for marriage and family.

Maybe it's time we ask those in our community to commit and pray for us. Maybe it's time we approach God honestly about this desire. Maybe it's time we start praying for the right single men to rise up and recognize their callings too.

I think it's time...

                         

Up Next...

                         
Oh, I'm not even close to being done. 

Click here to read "A Can of Worms: Part 2."

The Newest Love of My Life

She came bursting into the world on May 30. She was the tiniest (5-lb and some change), most beautiful, brown-skinned little love bug you've ever seen.

It took five weeks and a trek across four states for me to get to her. But when I finally did (over July 4th weekend), I fell head over heels in love.

We rocked, we laughed, we danced, we sang, we talked. That little muffin cake captured me with one look. She put a spell on me. And I haven't stopped thinking about her since.

It's funny. I never thought I could meet someone, and within 15 seconds, feel bonded for life. (I also never thought I had this many terms of endearment buried deep within me.)

But that's what happens with family. You share the same blood. You share the same hearts. You share the same name. It runs deep.

I also never believed all my auntie friends when they said how great this role is in their families. I couldn't understand why they loved their nieces and nephews so much. But now I do. I get it.

Isn't she the most precious little lamb? Don't you just want to squeeze her? Wasn't she just made to be showered in kisses?

I'm gonna teach her so much. I'm gonna love her so deeply. I'm gonna pray for her every day. I'm gonna sing to her often. I'm gonna spoil her rotten. We're basically already best friends.

World, meet my new niece, the prettiest girl I know...
Miss Penelope "Penny" Christopher.

Watch out for her. She's gonna knock your socks off for the rest of her days. Straight to Harvard—I'm calling it.

P.S. Shout out to my bro and sis-in-law for making such an amazing little person. Y'all did real good.

Daily Walk #4: The Greatest Commandment

Today’s Readings

Matthew 22:34-40; Mark 12:28-34

Key Verse

He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love you neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

—Matthew 22:37-40

Today’s Reflections

L is for the way you look at me.

O is for the only one I see.

V is very, very extraordinary.

E is even more than anyone that you adore can.

Love is a simple little word with a whole lot of meaning behind it. Embedded within it is so much complexity, hope, healing, and more.

First John 4:7-8 says God is love, so it’s no surprise that the greatest commands He gave us center around that one four-letter word.

So here it is—the moment you’ve been waiting for. The greatest commands of all time—spoken by Jesus himself: 1) love God and 2) love people.

That’s it. Plain and simple. Every head bowed and every eye closed before the Lord. I’ll give the invitation now. Or not. Because it’s not that simple, is it? After thousands of years, we’re still flawed and therefore flummoxed by it.

Scripture says everything depends on these two commands. Everything. They’re packed with power. They’re rich and full. The commands are simple, but we make them more than complex. So let’s unpack it and go deeper.

What does it look like to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (plus strength, per Mark’s version)?

It’s not just saying it with your mouth and following it up with a good deed. It’s committing your will, affections, and understanding to Him—your physical, emotional, and mental capacities—every fiber of your being.

It’s a passionate, fierce, unwavering allegiance to the Most High. It’s a promise to remain faithful when your circumstances lure you in the opposite direction. It’s trusting He knows best even when you don’t understand.

Like marriage, it’s for better or worse, for richer or poorer. It’s committing your life to Him in covenant and placing Him above all else—above your spouse, children, job, desires, stuff, status, relationships, culture, experiences, feelings, knowledge, everything.

But wait, there’s more. The second command is like the first: love people just like you love yourself.

Ewww. Yuck. Ouch. Uncomfortable. Who wants to do that in a self-saturated society like ours? It’s easier to just mind our own business. It’s easier to plug our headphones in and tune the world out. It’s easier to avoid eye contact and pretend we didn’t see them.

But it must be done because it’s important to Him. And what’s important to Him should be important to us.

All obedience begins with a fierce love for Jesus first. That means you put you aside. You take a step back in line and let Him lead. Then you take another step back and get out of the way so others can get closer and see Him clearly.

So there you have it. Love God. Love people. Simple enough, right?