Growing older and, hopefully, wiser

I love where I'm at in life. I love my friends. I love where God has me right now. But lately, I've really been evaluating my life.

It's really been a combination of things: Will I ever get married? Are my decisions the smartest I can make for a healthy lifestyle? I'm 28 and single...why not just leave where I'm at and go live in Italy for a year? Where will I be in 10 years? How should I prepare for that?

I guess this all came about when I got a recent invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. It made me think about how far I've come...and ironically, what I've accomplished during that time. I wasted so many years on being the most popular and fitting into the A-crowd that I missed out on serving God completely...with my entire life. And now, I obsess sometimes with making sure I'm always on track with Him.

Today, my number one desire is to serve Him--wherever, whenever, and however He calls me to. But life reflection always causes me to take a hard look at where I'm at and what I'm doing. It causes me to ask myself: Am I doing everything I can to glorify the Lord with my life? Am I being too lazy to connect people to Jesus every day? What more could I be doing to impact the kingdom?

All good questions, but sometimes I don't have a clear answer...right now, today.

The biggest questions I've been pondering (probably like every other single girl my age) are: Am I ever going to get married? Or am I going to stay single for the rest of my life? If I'm going to remain single, how should I be stepping out and taking risks? If God is going to bring someone into my life, how do I need to be preparing to be the best wife and ministry partner to that person?

I go through periods where I ask these same questions over and over. This time, I've been doing some serious research in Scripture lately and lots of praying...seeking out answers (because that's what I do).

I decided to get some wise counsel from a few trusted spiritual mentors on this issue. I explained my situation and my desire to know clear answers as to which way I should be preparing myself to one person in particular. He gave me the best advice.

He said, "Kaylan, it doesn't matter which way you go. At all times, you should be serving God and pursuing Him...that's all that matters. That means you asking Him every day for your daily bread--not tomorrow's, not yesterday's--just today's and He'll supply. You're not promised tomorrow, so seek His kingdom first (meaning seek Him first) today, and all these things shall be added to your life."

I realized in that moment that I had lost sight of the most important thing...pursuing God...with everything I am and all that I do. I get so wrapped up in doing "things/activites" to please God that I forget to daily seek Him, spend time with Him, and give Him the praise He deserves. I forget that He just wants me, my time, and my devotion. And I forget to heed the advice of my Daddy: "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus..."

Lesson learned in August 2008: Pursue God passionately, ask Him to supply my needs in this moment, and know that He'll give me what I need today (and maybe some of those answers in His time).