I'M A WRITER

Lately, I've been questioning God as to whether or not this whole writing/editing thing is "my calling." I mean, He didn't exactly strike me with lightning and speak forth from the heavens. There wasn't even an inspirational passage of Scripture that spoke to me. Neither did I awake in the middle of the night realizing the great revelation of God's call.

So, I began to wonder if this is really what God wants me to do. Or is it just that it was the most interesting path of study at college? Perhaps this wasn't what God intended me to do in the beginning, but since I got off the path and strayed away from Him several years back, this is the second best?

I know...you're probably saying, "Good and bad, God had it all planned out, Kaylan." And you're right...but, I am human and I'm going to question these things. So, I asked for God's affirmation of this "calling" I've accepted. Well, I got it.

In my devotional time this morning, God totally confirmed it. I am continuing my journey through "My Utmost for His Highest." And it's funny that as many years as I have gone through it, God still speaks to me through the predetermined verses and thoughts by Oswald Chambers right where I am in life.

Here's an excerpt:
"We are inclined to forget the deeply spiritual and supernatural touch of God. If you are able to tell exactly where you were when you received the call of God and can explain all about it, I question whether you have truly been called. The call of God does not come like that; it is much more supernatural. The realization of the call in a person's life may come like a clap of thunder or it may dawn gradually. But however quickly or slowly this awareness comes, it is always accompanied with an undercurrent of the supernatural--something that is inexpressible and produces a "glow." At any moment the sudden awareness of this incalculable, supernatural, surprising call that has taken hold of your life may break thought--"I chose you..." (John 15:16). The call of God has nothing to do with salvation and sactification. You are not called to preach the gospel because you are sanctified; the call to preach the gospel is infinitely different. Paul describes it as a compulsion that was placed upon him. ... He had become aware of the call of God, and his compulsion to "preach the gospel" was so strong that nothing else was any longer even a competitor for his strength. If a man or woman is called of God, it doesn't matter how difficult the circumstances may be. God orchestrates ever force at work for His purpose in the end. If you will agree with God's purpose, He will bring not only your conscious level but also all the deeper levels of your life, which you yourself cannot reach, into perfect harmony."

I know it's a little long--but, it's very profound. The verse for this devotional was from 1 Corinthians 9:16 where Paul says, "For if I preach the gospel, I have no reason to boast, because an obligation is placed of me. And woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!"

So mine has been a dawning of sorts. Back in college (when this all began) I remember distinctly praying--giving in to the Lord and telling Him that I was available to do whatever, wherever, and whenever. I think that might have triggered it all because then the supernatural started to happen--slowly, but surely.

And while I can't put my finger on a clap of thunder, specific revelation, or divine intervention from God, I do know that I can look back over the past several years and see the hand of God working supernaturally--opening doors that I never thought possible and blessing me in ways that I don't deserve.

This truly puts everything into perspective. My desire for a house, money, husband, family, friends, acceptance by others, and other things mean nothing. The only thing that truly matters is that I answer YES to these things: Am I daily following the Lord and fulfilling His call on my life? Am I constantly seeking to be in the center of His will? Am I putting all things aside, including my selfish desires, to make Him number 1, number 2, number 3, and so on in my life?

I must constantly wake up each morning and die to myself in order to truly and completely follow Christ while using those skills which he's blessed me with to glorify Him. I've finally come to the realization that this is all that matters in this life. It's simple--I must throw away the obstacles that block my view of Him so that I can be fully aware of His call, His grace, His wisdom, and His love.

I know this is a long entry, but it just proves one more thing--I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do. I'm a writer.

POP CHRISTOPHER

Finally realizing that your grandparents are slowly fading away from this life is a brutal punch in the face. My Grandpa Christopher (affectionately known to all the grandkids as "Pop") is in the hospital right now and in surgery at this moment to remove a tumor from his bladder.

The doctors have pushed it back over and over the past couple of days, so I'm a little anxious at this point. Unfortunately, the docs said that the combination of his bad heart, diabetes, damaged kidneys, and tumored bladder are not good signs of a full recovery after surgery. Please pray for him.

It finally hit me today that time is slipping through my fingers like air. I'm now 25 and it seems like yesterday I was spending time in the summer and my Grandmother and Pop's house roaming through the woods, checking out the "haunted" barn, playing house with the cousins, and so on.

My Grandmother--absolutely one of most humble and strongest women of faith I've ever known--has been at home with the Lord since June 1, 2002. And now, Pop is very ill with only so much time left. I know that we all must go through death in order to enter into the presence of the Lord, but for those of us that remain it's hard to let go of our loved ones.

These kind of whirlwind events just make you realize how precious life is and how important it is to know the Lord and have a personal relationship with Him so that your eternity is secure. Thank God that my family members love the Lord. From now on, I am not taking one more day for granted or considering one more moment spent with the people I love wasted.