kaylan preuss: May 2013

"The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”
—Job 1:21

When the emotional, two-month-ish roller coaster ride came to a stop this week and I stepped off, I was still breathing and my lunch had remained safely tucked away in my gut. And my reaction to it all surprised no one more than myself.

(Cue the let's-go-back-in-time dream sequence music here.)

In March, with pen in hand, Jesus ~~wrote in~~ allowed a few new, exciting twists and turns into my story—things I'd prayed for, waited for, hoped for. Then just as quickly, He took them all away. Every. Last. One. Freakishly. Unexpectedly.

When the dust settled, I thought I'd be irrevocably devastated. I thought I'd for sure change my mind about God's infinite goodness. I thought I'd call it the worst kind of trickery and blame His obvious cruelty.

But I didn't.

Sure...there were tears and questions. OK...I had a long, honest talk with Jesus. Alright...I escaped to my home state for a minute (or three). Fine...I consumed no less than 27 cups of coffee in a 4-day period with complementary conversations.

But when rocked, my boat didn't capsize. It bumped the waves, but I wasn't thrown overboard. Wanna know why? I fell back into Him—like I'm stinking supposed to, like I always say I will when the going gets rough. I landed in my deeply anchored relationship with Him.

One of my best friends, Meredith, challenged me to write out what Jesus has taught me through this short little chapter. So here goes:

He's faithful. Always and forever. No doubt. Keep repeating it—even when you don't feel like it.
His nature can't be divided, so He can't be both good and cruel. He is who He is—and He's just really good.
I'm a lucky girl. He's built a rock solid family and spiritual community around me like a brick wall—those who pray for, love, and encourage me. If you don't have this kind of biblical community, GET ONE.
The enemy is big, bad, and very real. Dude never gets exhausted trying to steal, kill, and destroy my life, dreams, spirit, heart, etc. So when these things happen, you know what to do? Recognize who it is and what he's doing. Suit up. And fight back.
Jesus hears and answers prayers. Every day during this chapter, I Psalm 5:3-ed the heck out of every piece of it. Each morning, I asked Him to guide and protect me—to go before me, behind me, around me. Looking back, He did. Which brings me to...
Romans 8:28. He's working all things out for His glory and my good. Like a boss.
Jesus is the giver of good gifts—all of which are beneficial. Even if what's good on the inside comes wrapped in painful, misunderstood packaging. I trust Him. I trust Him. I trust Him. I trust Him.
I've never been more sure that one of the things I've been created for in this life is to walk alongside a man in covenant marriage. And Jesus holds the pen in writing that story—NOT ME.
I've also never been more sure that sovereign God guides my steps and has a holy, mind-blowing plan for my life. He's in the details—even the tiniest, seemingly insignificant ones. (See #6.)
I can encourage, pray for, and try to pull others out of a pit all day long, but ultimately, I'm NOT their Savior. That's Jesus' job, and I have no business trying to play His part.
For those who are loyally in love with God, there's life and more life and more life—to infinity and beyond. James 1. James stinking 1. Read it and weep. I did.

I can honestly say: "God gave me what He wanted. He took away from me what He wanted. I will trust Him no matter what. His name is worthy to be praised!"

Future Kaylan, this therapeutic blog post is more for you than anyone else. Remember it for the next time you have to get in the front seat on this kind of coaster and go for a wild ride. Except next time, throw your hands in the air and enjoy every minute of it. Repeat after me: it's a gift.

I love her. Really, I do.

But she growls incessantly—like NON-STOP. Who knows what she's saying? But if I had my guess, it wouldn't be pretty...

And she wig-wag zig-zags her fanny all over my house like she owns the place.

And she likes to dig through the trash can and ingest whatever's inside. And by whatever, I mean WHATEVER. Sick.

And she hates other dogs. Like wants to bite their faces off if they sniff too close. Not nice.

And she regularly loses her mind and tries to dig a hole all the way to China—through my carpet.

And she'd sell her ~~soul~~ owner for a handful of marshmallows or an Oscar Mayer wiener.

And she prefers to lie on her back 24/7 so someone—ANYONE—will rub her belly. (For the record—I sure as heck didn't teach her that trick.)

A few days ago, I took her for a walk and found her nosing around the grass. She came up for air crunching on something, looking like she'd just hit the candy jackpot.

I stepped a little closer and found her nibbling on a large pile of...DEER POOP. GAG. ME.

My prissy little bucktooth pup was snacking on wild animal pellets. It's not like I don't feed her face every day! Just another notch in her belt of things that irritate the FIRE out of me.

After scrubbing her gums until they bled and lacing her water bowl with Listerine... (Kidding!)

I do joke a lot about giving her up because of these types of shenanigans. Some days, I swear I'm going to lock her out and see if she can find herself a new home.

But I really wouldn't trade the little monster for anything. She's priceless. She's a good friend—and has been for 7.5 years.

So here's to Mia and her deer-poop-eating, trash-digging, ugly-face-growling, only-uses-me-for-what-she-can-get-out-of-me ways... Cheers!

"Lady, get these dang bows out of my hair and I'll show you what you can do with them..."

The day I ripped her from her Poppy and Grammy's arms after her 3-month stay in their home (where she also gained 17,000 pounds and got hooked on human food). She was mad. Real mad.