Seeking God, Part 3

In my mother’s womb, my parents dedicated me to God. At six-years-old, I realized I was a sinner, begged for His forgiveness, received His grace, and committed my life to Him. At 15, even when I didn’t understand His call, I surrendered to serve Him in ministry with my life. With our history together, He wasn’t going to let me forget these things and His purpose for me.

When my world came crashing down around me at age 20 and I was left at the merciful hands of the Father, I made a decision to change. Not the kind of change you make and then turn your back on three days later—like when you change your eating habits, start a strict, new diet, and out of nowhere, just a few days later, a piece of chocolate cake walks right into your mouth before you can say anything. It was a change that involved total surrender.

My decision to finally wave the white flag and surrender changed my world. I knew that to truly seek Him, I had to literally move away from the environment that had entrapped me. I had to emotionally pull out my scissors and cut the ties that bound me to that destructive lifestyle. And as I entered the unknown—feeling bruised, beaten, even bludgeoned—I trusted Him again for the first time in a long time.

In 2001, I left my home in Texas and transferred to Ouachita Baptist University in Arkansas as a sophomore looking for a new start. Almost immediately upon entering school there, I met and bonded with a small group of girls who embraced me in genuine biblical community. Aware of my tattered state, they prayed for me, picked me up when I fell, and sometimes carried me over four semesters until I graduated in 2002. They became my sisters and remain so today.

It all sounds so dramatic, I know, but it’s not far from how intense things really were. At OBU, I re-discovered a deep love relationship with God and He began a long healing process that lasted the next few years. He was preparing me. So, after my college graduation, when I entered Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and began working at a church in Dallas, I was ready to actually do what God had called me to.

I can honestly say that my time during seminary was challenging. I knew God had called me there to continue my education, but I also spiritually felt a little like someone who had lost the use of his or her legs and was learning how to walk again. However, I had a fresh new perspective on my relationship with God—I was raw, humble, and surrendered to whatever He had planned for me.

During seminary and shortly after I graduated in 2005, I grew spiritually in leaps and bounds. I couldn’t believe I’d never known His love and grace like this before. So I decided I was ready to go deeper with Him and I made the bold decision to ask for brokenness on January 1, 2006. Big mistake? Or even bigger blessing? I asked myself this over and over for the next 10 months. God broke me every way but loose that year.

Just one more to go. Keep looking out for the final part of “Seeking God."