I don't know what the results will be. I may get bouquets of flowers or four slashed tires. I know I'm going to tick at least a handful of people off.
Either way, I'm doing it. I'm going in. I'm slowly opening the very edge of the can to pull out this one tiny worm so all of them don't escape—not just yet anyway.
Note: These are mostly my opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, feel free to never visit my blog again. My feelings won't be hurt. Promise.
Either way, I'm doing it. I'm going in. I'm slowly opening the very edge of the can to pull out this one tiny worm so all of them don't escape—not just yet anyway.
Note: These are mostly my opinions. If you don't like what I have to say, feel free to never visit my blog again. My feelings won't be hurt. Promise.
Where I'm Coming From
I've been single since 2001-ish. How long is that? Nearly a lifetime? It feels like it anyway.
I've been single since 2001-ish. How long is that? Nearly a lifetime? It feels like it anyway.
A big part of the reason is because of the tragic way the long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend ended when I was a sophomore in college. I was left heartbroken, wounded, and bleeding.
One night, in my dorm room at Ouachita Baptist University, I remember lying on my blue-and-white-checkered comforter, staring at the ceiling. Drowning in a barrel full of pain, I made an unbreakable deal with God.
Through my tears, my conversation with Him went something like this: "I don't ever want to go through this kind of heartbreak again, so protect me and don't bring anyone else into my life until its my husband, the man You've chosen for me."
Be careful what you pray for. You'll probably get it. I sure did.
That night, I also raised the standard for the kind of man I want to join hearts with one day. There have been small blips on my dating radar over the past 12 years. But I really do believe the Lord has protected my life. And I'm truly grateful for it.
I've always wanted to meet my guy organically—not through a forced interaction, not because some computer program said this guy or that guy is the best match for me, and certainly not because I paid a monthly fee for him to go on a date with me.
I've wanted to meet through friends or at church or at a group event or, heck, even in line at the grocery store. But my real-life options have seemed limited over the years.
About seven years ago, I got impatient and tried my hand at online dating. It didn't feel right then and it doesn't feel right now. But that doesn't mean I didn't just end round four with e-Harmony in March of this year.
Let's just say (because of the obvious fact that I'm still single) it didn't work out any of those times. I met a couple of good guys and a couple of freakshows, so I think, all in all, I got my money's worth.
But I will never do it again. At all. Ever. (Someone please punch me if I even consider it in the future.)
Hear me out—I don't think online dating is altogether wrong. I know many people who have met their significant others online—and their relationships/marriages are great. But it's just not for me. It was more frustrating than it was fulfilling.
But here's one good thing that's come of it: the whole darned experience has fueled me to research and dig deep into the issues of singleness, men, women, relationships, what I think about these things, what our culture says, and what God says.
But here's one good thing that's come of it: the whole darned experience has fueled me to research and dig deep into the issues of singleness, men, women, relationships, what I think about these things, what our culture says, and what God says.
So here goes nothing (or everything).
A Little of This, A Little of That
I get asked a lot, "How is it that YOU'RE still single? Why is no one dating you?"
I get asked a lot, "How is it that YOU'RE still single? Why is no one dating you?"
It's incredibly flattering (I think?), but I don't have a freaking clue, people. I really don't. I ask myself the same questions all the time.
I think I'm a pretty great catch (or at least my daddy says so, and he's not the lying type)...
I think I'm a pretty great catch (or at least my daddy says so, and he's not the lying type)...
- I love Jesus passionately and follow Him faithfully.
- I'm not completely unfortunate-looking (Legally Blonde reference, anyone?).
- I've got a few jokes in my back pocket (I think they're laughing with me and not at me).
- I'm smart enough to have made it through a masters degree program (but that's my limit).
- I've got my crap together (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and all the other -allys).
- I practice a good hygiene and beauty regimen (including, but not limited to, a flawless makeup technique and the timeless Texas tease).
- I'm fashionable (and by fashionable, I mean I'm a world-class Maxxinista).
- I'm a real ball of fun (I'd just have to show you what I mean in person).
- I have a good job (I may not make six figures, but I really like what I do!).
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
I know a lot of other incredible single women whose lists are WAY longer than mine. And they're doing their darnedest to wait patiently on the right guys too.
But let's face reality: we can't do a whole lot about our relational statuses except pray and hope and wish and wait.
I mean, we can do a little bit—flirt, banter, bat our eyelashes, giggle sweetly, drop hints, laugh at their corny jokes, make ourselves visible. But ultimately, we have to wait on the men to act.
So what do we do in the meantime? Rather, what do I do in the meantime? Ask God to kick the right guy in the pants so he WILL finally get it together and act?
I'm still trying to figure this one out.
Embarrassed by Singleness
That brings me to this. I've realized that many of the women I know, including myself, feel embarrassed by singleness and the desire for marriage. We definitely don't talk about it, much less admit it.
So we put on multi-purpose masks layered with confidence, strength, forced contentedness, hard work, independence, and other similar things.
Every time that little nagging desire for a husband bubbles up in our hearts, we shove it back down, shush it, and give it the evil eye.
Then we puff up, throw our shoulders back, and walk a little taller in our 4-inch designer heels to let the world know we're unaffected by it.
And to show we really mean it, some of us find the nearest man, bite his head off, chew it up, and spit it out in front of the other males in close proximity so they'll know what's up.
But it's time to stop sweeping this issue under the rug and pretending its not there. It's time to air it out and admit that singleness is a burden for some of us.
Yes, please, let's look at the positive side of things and recognize all we can do for Jesus and others during this time. Let's celebrate the freedoms we have to go and do as we please.
But let's also feel free to confess there are days it sucks the life right out of us, days when we'd give up our left lung for something more, days when we'd love nothing more than to shove loneliness off a cliff and tell him to kiss it.
(See what I did there? Loneliness has officially become a "he.")
What the Bible Says
Let's go back to Genesis 2:18, shall we?
Then the Lord God said, "It's not good for the man to be alone. I'll make a helper who's just right for him."
So you mean to tell me that the Creator and His Creation were walking together in the Garden, in a perfect harmonious relationship, with no need for anything or anyone else, and God said, "This still isn't enough for you"?
That's right. He said it.
Then He made HER. And guess what? The very essence of HER was to be relational.
It was to love and help out her man. It was to give him babies. It was to walk in covenant relationship with him (and especially Him) all the days of her life.
Sisters, you saw it here. There's no shame in wanting to play this role in life because that's the way we were created.
Embrace It
Today, women don't want to seem too desperate. But to desire marriage and family is natural—and it's biblical!
When that doesn't happen, when we don't get to live out who God created us to be, it's confusing and can cause loneliness. And then we wonder if we're crazy for feeling that way. (NOTE: You're NOT crazy! It's normal.)
So single Christian women try to cope—and for some, "cope" unfortunately means "medicate"—the best way we know how in this stage of life. That can take on all different shapes and sizes.
Some married Christian women in the church (not all, mind you, just some) continue to give us lame advice for dealing with this state of being by saying, "Jesus should be enough for you. He's all you need."
Yes, Specific Women in the Body of Christ (You Know Who You Are), we love Jesus. Yes, we follow Him. Yes, Jesus is all we need. But He also said it's not good for us to be alone (see Genesis 2:18 again). He gets it. You need to get it too.
Encourage us toward marriage. Pray for us toward that end. Many of your married Christian sisters are already doing that for us now. We need that from you as well.
Where to Go From Here
Ladies, maybe it's time we start embracing this God-given calling. Maybe it's time we start believing we were created for marriage and family.
Maybe it's time we ask those in our community to commit and pray for us. Maybe it's time we approach God honestly about this desire. Maybe it's time we start praying for the right single men to rise up and recognize their callings too.
I think it's time...
Up Next...
Oh, I'm not even close to being done.
Click here to read "A Can of Worms: Part 2."
I mean, we can do a little bit—flirt, banter, bat our eyelashes, giggle sweetly, drop hints, laugh at their corny jokes, make ourselves visible. But ultimately, we have to wait on the men to act.
So what do we do in the meantime? Rather, what do I do in the meantime? Ask God to kick the right guy in the pants so he WILL finally get it together and act?
I'm still trying to figure this one out.
That brings me to this. I've realized that many of the women I know, including myself, feel embarrassed by singleness and the desire for marriage. We definitely don't talk about it, much less admit it.
So we put on multi-purpose masks layered with confidence, strength, forced contentedness, hard work, independence, and other similar things.
Every time that little nagging desire for a husband bubbles up in our hearts, we shove it back down, shush it, and give it the evil eye.
Then we puff up, throw our shoulders back, and walk a little taller in our 4-inch designer heels to let the world know we're unaffected by it.
And to show we really mean it, some of us find the nearest man, bite his head off, chew it up, and spit it out in front of the other males in close proximity so they'll know what's up.
But it's time to stop sweeping this issue under the rug and pretending its not there. It's time to air it out and admit that singleness is a burden for some of us.
Yes, please, let's look at the positive side of things and recognize all we can do for Jesus and others during this time. Let's celebrate the freedoms we have to go and do as we please.
But let's also feel free to confess there are days it sucks the life right out of us, days when we'd give up our left lung for something more, days when we'd love nothing more than to shove loneliness off a cliff and tell him to kiss it.
(See what I did there? Loneliness has officially become a "he.")
Let's go back to Genesis 2:18, shall we?
Then the Lord God said, "It's not good for the man to be alone. I'll make a helper who's just right for him."
So you mean to tell me that the Creator and His Creation were walking together in the Garden, in a perfect harmonious relationship, with no need for anything or anyone else, and God said, "This still isn't enough for you"?
That's right. He said it.
Then He made HER. And guess what? The very essence of HER was to be relational.
It was to love and help out her man. It was to give him babies. It was to walk in covenant relationship with him (and especially Him) all the days of her life.
Sisters, you saw it here. There's no shame in wanting to play this role in life because that's the way we were created.
Today, women don't want to seem too desperate. But to desire marriage and family is natural—and it's biblical!
When that doesn't happen, when we don't get to live out who God created us to be, it's confusing and can cause loneliness. And then we wonder if we're crazy for feeling that way. (NOTE: You're NOT crazy! It's normal.)
So single Christian women try to cope—and for some, "cope" unfortunately means "medicate"—the best way we know how in this stage of life. That can take on all different shapes and sizes.
Some married Christian women in the church (not all, mind you, just some) continue to give us lame advice for dealing with this state of being by saying, "Jesus should be enough for you. He's all you need."
Yes, Specific Women in the Body of Christ (You Know Who You Are), we love Jesus. Yes, we follow Him. Yes, Jesus is all we need. But He also said it's not good for us to be alone (see Genesis 2:18 again). He gets it. You need to get it too.
Encourage us toward marriage. Pray for us toward that end. Many of your married Christian sisters are already doing that for us now. We need that from you as well.
Ladies, maybe it's time we start embracing this God-given calling. Maybe it's time we start believing we were created for marriage and family.
Maybe it's time we ask those in our community to commit and pray for us. Maybe it's time we approach God honestly about this desire. Maybe it's time we start praying for the right single men to rise up and recognize their callings too.
I think it's time...
Oh, I'm not even close to being done.
Click here to read "A Can of Worms: Part 2."
