Lessons Learned

***Prepare yourself...this is going to be a long post.***

I am always incredibly amazed when I come upon a new year and look back over the last. I can see times when God carried me through difficulties and I couldn't even see it at the time...and there are times when He lifted me up and I neglected to praise Him for it.

This past year, God has truly taught me the meaning of faith. And while I am certainly no expert on the topic...I have never come face-to-face with it like I did this past year. There were three tests of faith in 2005 that taught me what it means to completely trust in God:

TEST OF FAITH #1
I began the year in a part-time position with my church. By God's sovereign providential hand I was "let go" because the position was no longer needed and then invited back only a few days later to a revamped position of the same sorts.

I can remember my heart and soul were completely torn as to what to do. Should I take the job that I didn't feel peace about in my heart and remain financially secure? Or should I step out into the unknown (into insecurity...or so I thought) and follow God's calling?

I sought wisdom and counsel from everyone I knew, but no one had an answer for me. Could it have been that I was not seeking guidance from the One who had all the answers? Probably.

I had one semester of seminary left in January 2005 and no other jobs lined up, but God was telling me, "Kaylan, just trust me. Have I ever left you? Have you ever gone hungry or without clothes? Have you ever lived without a roof over your head? I've got all of this under control. Just have faith in Me."

So I did. I made the biggest leap of faith on January 14, 2005 that I have ever in my entire life. I turned down the position and moved into the unknown...literally...no job, no money, no security. Shortly after, I found a profound verse in the Bible and it hit me.

"It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8).

He wanted me to obey Him by faith, leave my comfort zone, and venture out into the unknown. When I made this decision...the most incredible rush of peace overwhelmed my soul. I couldn't have made a better decision by faith.

I am still dumbfounded by how it happened (it was truly God), but I was able to survive above and beyond what I could've ever imagined throughout the spring semester on freelance writing jobs. My God totally took care of me and this event truly changed my life. I'll never forget it.

Indeed, God knew exactly what He was doing. Now that I look back, I never would have been able to make it through writing and editing my thesis and preparing for oral exams with my thesis committee had it not been for that step of faith. This 6-month trek as a freelance writer allowed me ample time to complete my project and graduate in May with no worries.

TEST OF FAITH #2
I was still without a full-time job on graduation day from seminary and told the Lord I really desired one. But He said, "Kaylan...stop being so bossy! I know what I'm doing. When are you ever going to learn that I'm ALWAYS in control? Not just some of the time...I am the constant in your life."

So I submitted myself to prayer and seeking the Lord through His Word. Sure enough...He came through as He always does.

Just a week after graduation I was offered a full-time position with PowerPoint Ministries as the Senior Writer and Editor. Again...this was better than I ever imagined.

How could I ever doubt that God was in control going forward, right? How could I ever again believe that He would need MY help to accomplish any task that comes along? Well, it took one more test to teach me.

TEST OF FAITH #3
This last fall...with no seminary holding me back, a good job in my pocket, and it just being me and the Lord against the world...I began to feel lonlier than ever for some reason and really wanted the companionship of another.

So I specifically prayed, "God, I am ready for a husband now. The timing is perfect for me...so any day now that you want to bring him along would be great. And if you have no plans to introduce us anytime soon...at least let me know that I am still date-worthy and that you haven't left me. Give me a sign that there is still someone out there for me..."

In a desperate and foolish attempt to move on with my life because I'd received no immediate answer from God, I decided to take matters into my own hands, but it obviously didn't turn out as I expected.

I learned that:
1) HIS timing is perfect...not mine. But in the midst of my crushed hopes for a husband, He answered my prayer above and confirmed that indeed He hasn't left me and I AM still date-worthy. Praise God!

2) For me, the answer was not to rely on a computer-generated matching system to pair me up with the right fellow. Instead, God was telling me, "Just trust me, Kaylan. Please quit trying to do this yourself. Only I know what's best for you."

3) God produces blessings out of disappointments. As a result of this failed eHarmony relationship and the contacts of this guy I met, my brother now has a chance to intern with the Texas Rangers (a lifelong dream and he graduates in May). Wow!

CONCLUSION
All-in-all, I have really learned to believe in the age-old hymn, "Trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." That's all He wants from me as a believer in Him...trust, love, and obedience.

I am by no means an expert on faith...and I still struggle very much with it, but I think my faith is now stronger. If I can make these three things top priorities in my daily walk with Him, then He'll continue to work miracles in my life and bless me beyond imagination.

As I enter this new year...I certainly have a different outlook than I did last year. Not only am I able to look back over the last year's events and be excited about what God is going to do in the coming year, but I can face the days and months ahead saying, "Whatever comes my way in this year and beyond...good or bad...I will trust and obey You, for You are in control—Almighty God, Sovereign Creator, Faithful Provider, Precious Savior, Lover of my soul, the Great I AM."

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ON FAITH
"For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes--Jews first and also Gentiles. This Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the Scriptures say, 'It is through faith that a righteous person has life'" (Romans 1:16-17, NLT).

"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17, NKJV).

"For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7, NKJV).

"I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20, NLT).

"So Jesus said to them, '...If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you'" (Matthew 17:20, NKJV).